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Recovering from Religious Trauma as a Parent: Rebuilding Connection and Embracing Growth

Writer's picture: Sarah FordSarah Ford

Parenting is a journey that demands courage, flexibility, and love. For those recovering from religious trauma, this journey may feel especially vulnerable and complex. If your experiences were shaped by a high-control religious context, you may be grappling with the challenges of redefining your parenting practices while also looking for healing from your past experiences. It’s a process of transformation that requires tenderness—both for your children and for your own inner child.


Here, we explore how to navigate parenting with intention and compassion after leaving a high-control religious environment. Together, we’ll consider how to embrace parenting practices that support healthy child development, honor autonomy, and create equity in your household while nurturing your own healing along the way.


Parenting with Autonomy and Development in Mind

High-control religious environments often emphasize strict obedience and conformity, sometimes at the expense of individuality and emotional expression. As a parent recovering from this type of environment, you may find yourself reexamining deeply ingrained beliefs about authority and discipline.


Honoring Your Child’s Autonomy

Healthy parenting practices recognize children as individuals with unique needs, emotions, and developmental stages. Honoring your child’s autonomy is important because it helps them develop a strong sense of self, confidence, and the ability to make decisions. By recognizing them as individuals with unique needs and emotions, you encourage their growth and independence. This approach fosters trust and connection, as children feel respected and valued when their perspectives are considered.


Additionally, supporting their autonomy equips them with critical life skills, such as emotional regulation, problem-solving, and resilience, which are essential for navigating the world as they grow. It's a vital step in creating a healthy parent-child relationship built on mutual respect and understanding. Rather than relying on rigid rules or fear-based tactics, you can prioritize building trust and connection. This might involve:


  • Shifting from control to guidance: Encouraging your child’s independence while offering age-appropriate boundaries and support.

  • Validating emotions: Creating space for your child to express their feelings, even when it’s difficult.

  • Encouraging curiosity: Supporting exploration and questioning, which may have been discouraged in your former religious context.


Adapting to Developmental Needs

Adapting to your child's developmental needs is crucial because children grow through distinct stages, each requiring different forms of support to thrive emotionally, mentally, and socially. When you adapt your parenting approach to match these stages, you create an environment that fosters their growth and self-confidence. It helps them feel understood and supported, which strengthens your relationship and builds trust. Moreover, recognizing these needs prevents frustration or harm that might arise from expecting behaviors or abilities beyond their current capabilities. This approach encourages resilience, empathy, and a lifelong foundation for healthy relationships and self-awareness. Understanding the stages of child development can empower you to meet your child where they are. For example:


  • For young children: Focus on nurturing their sense of safety and emotional security.

  • For older children and teens: Respect their growing need for independence while maintaining open communication.


Letting go of rigid expectations and allowing space for mistakes—yours and theirs—is key to fostering a nurturing environment where your child feels seen and valued. Practice apologizing when you make mistakes or parent out of alignment with your new values. Taking responsibility for your mistakes and apologizing for them allows you to repair ruptures in your relationship with your kids and builds healthy intimacy and connection.


Recovering from Religious Trauma as a Parent & Reparenting Yourself: Healing While You Parent

As you embrace new parenting practices, you may notice echoes of your own upbringing. This is where the concept of reparenting can be transformative. Reparenting involves giving yourself the care, understanding, and validation you may not have received as a child.


Practices for Reparenting Yourself

  1. Acknowledge Your Inner Child: Reflect on how your own needs for autonomy, safety, or emotional expression may have gone unmet. Offer yourself compassion for those experiences.

  2. Challenge Internalized Beliefs: Identify and question patterns rooted in your past, such as perfectionism, fear of questioning authority, or the need for control.

  3. Model Growth: Show your children that it’s okay to learn and grow by being open about your journey. Apologizing and making amends when necessary can demonstrate humility and resilience.


This process not only helps you heal but also creates a more authentic connection with your children. As a parent, when you find yourself particularly activated by your child's behavior, use this as a guidepost for curiosity. It's common for these activating moments to shed light on areas from your own upbringing that would benefit from further reflection, processing, and reparenting to bring healing to your personal experiences as a child or teen.


Creating Equity in Parenting Partnerships

In many high-control religious settings, traditional gender roles often dictate the distribution of parenting and household responsibilities. This imbalance can lead to stress, burnout, and feelings of inadequacy, particularly for parents who carry an unequal burden. As you heal, rethinking these dynamics and striving for a more equitable partnership can significantly improve the well-being of everyone in the family.


Creating equity in your parenting partnership benefits you and your partner by fostering mutual respect and reducing resentment or exhaustion. It also provides your children with a powerful model of collaboration, showing them that relationships thrive when both parties contribute fairly. This demonstration of teamwork and respect equips them with healthy expectations for their own future partnerships and family dynamics. By embracing equitable practices, you’re not only supporting your overall health and the health of your relationships but also laying the groundwork for a more balanced and compassionate family environment.


Steps Toward Equitable Parenting

  • Open Communication: Discuss your values and goals with your partner, ensuring both voices are heard.

  • Shared Responsibilities: Divide parenting tasks and household duties in ways that feel fair and sustainable.

  • Support Each Other’s Growth: Encourage each other’s emotional healing and personal development, recognizing that this process strengthens your family.


Equity in parenting creates a more supportive environment for everyone, modeling respect and collaboration for your children.


Moving Forward with Compassion

Recovering from religious trauma while parenting is a deeply challenging and rewarding path. As you work to unlearn harmful patterns and embrace new approaches, remember to extend compassion to yourself and your family. Healing is a journey, not a destination, and every step forward—no matter how small—is meaningful.


By fostering autonomy, prioritizing healthy child development, and creating an equitable parenting partnership, you are breaking cycles and building a foundation of trust and love. In the process, you’re not only raising your children with intention but also reparenting yourself with the care and understanding you’ve always deserved.


If you’re seeking support on this journey, therapy can provide a safe and nurturing space to explore these changes and find your way forward. Remember, you are not alone, and healing is possible.


a father with his two young children at home

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© 2023-2025 by Sarah Ford, LPC, Powered and secured by Wix

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